Mo’s Movie Review – 10,000 BC

March 19, 2008

I would have loved this movie ……………………………………….. when I was 10.

SPOILER WARNING AHEAD

The movie is based on the adventures of a Neanderthal man, D’Lei who in the process of rescuing his abducting love, Evolet, rescues his tribe from doom and also single handedly manages to fuck up the progress of the human race for a time frame of 9,500 years.

The story-line was so shot, I could have gone fishing with it, and only caught a whale. I’m not an expert on history, but I know well enough that gazelles, which they show prancing around, didn’t exist in the time of mammoths. There were no metal tools or weaponry. And horses, which the Egyptians/Atlantians rode around on were definitely not around in 10,000 BC.

So what was the movie about, you ask? Basically, it’s a love story that is wound around a script that the director seems to have written on in a bumpy car ride. It’s a psuedo-adventure story, which gives absolutely no twists or heart-stopping moments. Even the sabre-tooth tiger(or cat. take your pick) only has a screen time of around 5 mins! I mean what the hell?! If you’re making a movie about Neanderthal man, the least you could do was give the damn sabre-tooth some more fucking screen time! Throw in a vicious fight between man and sabre-tooth or something!! I swear to god, the first five minutes of ICE AGE had more true-to-life(as scientists have discovered) scenes than this entire movie.

Frankly, I am surprised that I was still in the theatre to catch the end – Evolet comes back to life(if you haven’t watched this movie and are upset about reading this line – Believe me you would have guessed it right from the start. Plus I put a spoiler warning before this!). In fact, I was upset about the fact that the protagonist ends up destroying an advanced civilization that would have driven forward humanity as a whole. Instead, he destroys the egypto-atlantians only so that he can go back to his backwater village to finally get with his girl. Little does he know that 9500 years down the line, his very descendants would be in slavery again to build the very same pyramids. Moral of the story – you can’t hold an egyptian down, mothafucka!

In my eyes it’s a bunch of crap of mammoth proportions. I am VERY surprised about the positive reviews it has gotten.

MoRating(4/10)

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Raid Your Waves

August 19, 2007

I recently installed showtime at my house. The service sucked so much I couldn’t see myself paying a monthly fee for the garbage programming. So I called up showtime, and luckily because of a glitch in the system, they hadn’t logged my account in their records. Jumping at the opportunity, I promptly cancelled the service without thinking twice as there was no cancellation charge involved.

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Prior to installing showtime, I had looked around for the ‘undercover’ operands at Hawali to instal a hacked Satellite reciever that would unlock the encryption on the service from the Asian and European Subcontinents for me. I had previously got such a person to come to my house and check out the setup and give me a quote. But I had gone to showtime cos I felt bad and wanted to give them a chance. Unfortunately, Showtime had bitterly disappointed me. I found a guy in Hawali who could get the whole system hooked up for me for the price of two showtime monthly payments.

I’m actually thinking of taking on this offer…. hmmm….