MJLs guest spot movie review – wanted

July 5, 2008

a weaving loom that relays messages of our destiny, rat bombs, and insults directed at the audience. wanted was absolutely laughable. so much so i cant even bring myself to write this review. haha. lord have mercy that was absurd.

for now,

MJL

wanted


MJLs guest spot movie review – the happening

June 16, 2008

i was with m night all the way up to the lady in the water. at the time, while realizing the full impact of the cliché that is ‘i see dead people,’ the sixth sense was an impressive feat in throwing the viewer for a loop. i also have friends who would consider unbreakable to be one of the top tier superhero movies; and i personally consider signs to be a nail biting thriller. the lady in the water however was the beginning of an unfortunate downfall for m night. and the happening, or the crappening as it was referred to in the theatre by a friend, has in my opinion solidified the end of m night’s career.

i do not think that i am imposing my own interests, or reading into the film ideals that are not inherent, when i say that at its core the movie is a statement about proper consideration for the environment; and for that fact alone i graciously give the crappening a one out of ten rating. but no more, as that fact alone cannot and does not warrant a film to suffer in as many ways as this has.

the first of many failures in this movie was what had to be the directors decision to have every single actor, literally, play their character without emotion. in very few instances this proved to be comedic but at the expense of the thrill we so love in m night movies. and the reason for this purposeful lack of emotion still alludes me all these hours after the films end credits. i must admit that watching this movie has left me feeling as though i have been neglected from an inside joke, and i simply do not understand what is going on. this is not to mention the utter lack of climax, which i do not believe is even worth writing about, as i have simply decided, right this moment, to erase this experience from memory.

the crappening is extremely amateurish and had me wishing for the majority of its run that the object of fright in the movie would sweep through the theatre doors, take my life, and thus end the misery that was this movie. do not waste your precious hours. its as simple as that.

for now,

MJL

the crappening


Movie Review – Shrooms

April 12, 2008

I am very happy that I snuck into this movie after watching Spiderwick.

It was utter crap. I would have been so upset if I had paid a single FILS for  this BS.  I had guessed the ‘surprise’ ending right from the middle. Ok let’s get it straight. From the name, I certainly wasn’t expecting an academy award winning performance but the story line was so shot!

I’m not wasting my time writing more about this.  If you still go to the theatres to watch this after reading this, you’re an idiot.

Mo Rating 2/10


Movie Review – The Spiderwick Chronicles

April 12, 2008

Spiderwick chronicles was a pleasant surprise to what I expected to be another Harry Pottereque gutterfilth movie translation of a classic book.

I was very pleasantly surprised.  The movie was really quite good to watch.  The ambience and feeling invoked while watching was something that I would have imagined as a child after reading an Enid Blyton book. They didn’t entirely rely on CGI to carry the movie through, but actually used it as a tool only to enhance the fantastic storyline.

I was really impressed by the whole thing, and am actually looking forward to watching upcoming franchises of the same.  The Golden Compass is another one I would love to watch, Prince Caspian – if overdone in the same way as the first one, not so much.

Mo Rating – 8/10


MJLs guest spot movie review – [rec]

April 9, 2008

the rate at which the west now hijacks movie ideas from… well… everywhere else in world is astounding (india not withstanding of course). i will prove my point with only providing a short list from memory because any research otherwise would undoubtedly unveil so many films that the server of this blog would be overwhelmed with information. so here goes; oscar winner the departed from hong kongs infernal affairs, the laughable the grudge from japans the juon, the feeble pulse from japans kairo made only years before, and so on and so forth.

a new film on the chopping block to be butchered by a remake is the topic of discussion in this my latest guest spot movie review. [rec] is an independent film made last year in spain, which received numerous awards for best acting, directing, fantasy and audience jury selection. such impressive recognition went noticed immediately and generated interest in the north american production market for a remake. with no time wasted the immaculate [rec] will be released this year under a title and with a pathetic cast that i refuse to list so as to support the original as is deserved.

loyal readers of this blog (and here i refer to the host) will recall the blank of the dead review that i wrote a short while ago. being a zombie fan i had mentioned that this film was an abhorrent addition to the impressive body of work that includes the original …of the dead films and 28 days later amongst many others. in my opinion [rec] has effectively restored the genre. one might even be inclined to say that this film has brought back to life what was once thought deceased (sorry i couldnt pass up the opportunity).

on a serious note, this film is an experience, and one that will haunt you for days after. truth be told i am unable to recall being thrilled so thoroughly as i was watching [rec] and all without the lavish budgets and name celebrities that are so mistakenly thought to be the key elements of a successful film. so in place of the rating you would normally find at the end of a review i will simply recommend that you see this film in its original spanish before the north american version leaves you demanding your time back from the universe.

for now,

mjl

[rec]


MJLs guest spot movie review – horton hears a who!

March 31, 2008

it is somewhat remiss to title the posts i write for this blog ‘reviews’ considering they are more the ramblings of singular aspects of the films which catch my attention, as opposed to an assessment of the films as cohesive wholes. i am sure these ramblings are less than helpful for those readers who are legitimately interested in an opinion before chancing a trip to the theatre. this ‘review’ will be no different.

i recently watched the block buster adaptation of the dr seuss story, horton hears a who! having read and been read his books as a child, and reliving those experiences all over again reading them to my niece, i was compelled by nostalgia to see this film. horton is a story about an elephant, aptly named horton as you might have guessed, who discovers an entire microscopic world living on a speck of dust. the world he discovers is whoville, which is inhabited by whos; and although horton is unable to see the miniature world he is able to talk to the mayor of whoville via megacone. as the mayor describes the odd happenings plaguing whoville, horton realizes that the dangers of the jungle are responsible, and accepts the task of securing the speck in a safe location. one of those dangers is the antagonist, vlad the vulture, who vows to devour, regurgitate, and devour again, the flower that the speck rests upon.

the singular aspect of this book (and by extension film) which consistently captures my attention does so to the point of amazement. this aspect is represented in the film by the camera panning out from the world of whoville, to the world we occupy, and out again into the vastness of space. in order to propose the possibility that our world may be a speck of cosmic dust in some other world even more grand than our own. although this is a notion likely to have been pondered by every reader of this blog, at least briefly, to introduce this notion to children impresses me immensely. i might even be so bold as to credit, in small part, reading stories like horton as a child with the theoretical thinking that developed into my passion for studying philosophy. i may owe horton and dr seuss a large debt.

for three reasons this movie deserves a seven out of ten rating. first being the hilarious vlad the vulture. second being the reason for my aforementioned debt. and third being the dr seuss rhyme-speak which has never ceased to entertain me.

for now,

mjl

horton


Mo’s Movie Review – 10,000 BC

March 19, 2008

I would have loved this movie ……………………………………….. when I was 10.

SPOILER WARNING AHEAD

The movie is based on the adventures of a Neanderthal man, D’Lei who in the process of rescuing his abducting love, Evolet, rescues his tribe from doom and also single handedly manages to fuck up the progress of the human race for a time frame of 9,500 years.

The story-line was so shot, I could have gone fishing with it, and only caught a whale. I’m not an expert on history, but I know well enough that gazelles, which they show prancing around, didn’t exist in the time of mammoths. There were no metal tools or weaponry. And horses, which the Egyptians/Atlantians rode around on were definitely not around in 10,000 BC.

So what was the movie about, you ask? Basically, it’s a love story that is wound around a script that the director seems to have written on in a bumpy car ride. It’s a psuedo-adventure story, which gives absolutely no twists or heart-stopping moments. Even the sabre-tooth tiger(or cat. take your pick) only has a screen time of around 5 mins! I mean what the hell?! If you’re making a movie about Neanderthal man, the least you could do was give the damn sabre-tooth some more fucking screen time! Throw in a vicious fight between man and sabre-tooth or something!! I swear to god, the first five minutes of ICE AGE had more true-to-life(as scientists have discovered) scenes than this entire movie.

Frankly, I am surprised that I was still in the theatre to catch the end – Evolet comes back to life(if you haven’t watched this movie and are upset about reading this line – Believe me you would have guessed it right from the start. Plus I put a spoiler warning before this!). In fact, I was upset about the fact that the protagonist ends up destroying an advanced civilization that would have driven forward humanity as a whole. Instead, he destroys the egypto-atlantians only so that he can go back to his backwater village to finally get with his girl. Little does he know that 9500 years down the line, his very descendants would be in slavery again to build the very same pyramids. Moral of the story – you can’t hold an egyptian down, mothafucka!

In my eyes it’s a bunch of crap of mammoth proportions. I am VERY surprised about the positive reviews it has gotten.

MoRating(4/10)

dlei.jpg